The United States of America

United states. Multiple states united as one. A group of many states banded together as one. Unity. Well, maybe so but, what about its people?

Yesterday I returned from my first trip to the Philippines and it has been culture shock. Yes ~ it was culture shock arriving in the Philippines, but it's also been culture shock returning to my home country.

In the Philippines it's all about family and friends. You rarely see Filipinos alone, they're usually in groups laughing and enjoying each others company. At dinner, lunch, shopping, whatever. They're always hanging on each other and taking care of each other. Children are sometimes born at hospitals but more commonly at home where the whole family is gathered to greet the newest member of the family. Children are raised not only by their parents, but also by their siblings, cousins, nieces & nephews, aunts, uncles, grand parents, neighbors and friends. Therefore, people are very social and comfortable touching each other. It is very common to see two guys in their 20's walking along with their arms over each others shoulders.

The United Individuals of America

In the USA it's all about "me". Children are born in sterile hospitals where the mother and father are often the only ones there. Sometimes a brother or sister is there or maybe the child's grand parents, but often times it's just the parents. When brought home, a newborn is then visited by only the closest of family members and friends. Usually the newborn meets members of it's extended family during special events or rare gatherings and the child can be overwhelmed. It's common for the child to be many years old before it ever meets its extended family members.

In the USA "personal space" is a big issue and therefore touching is highly sensitive. You might see two adolescent  boys walking with their arms around each others shoulders, but as we get older, this becomes uncomfortable. Maybe that's why when people of the USA get really drunk they get really close and touchy-feely. Maybe because we're alone so much we crave connection when intoxicated.

This morning I was out and about having breakfast at a mom & pop joint and doing some grocery shopping and it was clear to me ~ so many people here are alone. Even if they were with someone, they were alone in thought. A father with his son ~ the son laughing and trying to get his dad's attention while the father stared off into space. Two older lady friends sitting together drinking coffee, talking but only paying half attention due to being lost in their own thoughts. Multiple guys and girls alone "doing their own thing". I walked into a grocery store and all the customers were by themselves, alone in their thoughts. I did see one man with his elderly mom and they were enjoying each other ~ that was nice. However, I did not see one group of more than 3 people, and that group was a father, mother and younger daughter who were having a quiet breakfast together, not saying much.

Does this mean that the family unit is broken here in the USA? I don't think so, but it is in trouble, or maybe that's just the way it is. Almost all aspects of our USA culture is based on the individual. We're raised to think about what we want to one day be and then the parents send the kids off to college (or just out on their own) at 18. We then become self sufficient and try to find happiness through personal endeavors, romance and whatever else we personally enjoy. All the while we are basically alone. Sure, we have friends and we have lovers and we talk on the phone to family, but for the most part we are alone.

I can relate to all of this as I have been through this system. Now, in my mid 40's I'm still alone and hate it. True, true, most people my age are married with children and don't feel as alone as I do. I know many people who are married with great families who spend lots of time together.

When I sat at a coffee house in the Philippines and watched the locals laughing and joking and being all together, I couldn't help but feel strongly envious. When I flew the first part of my journey to the Philippines on US Airways, the flight attendants were rather cold, helped their clients as minimally as possible and communicated with them in a sterile manner. When I boarded my flight to Manila on Philippine Airlines, it was all so different. The flight attendants were like older sisters, kindly helping people however they could. I was shocked at how this beautiful flight attendant leaned over me, her breasts rubbing against me arms while she helped cover a woman with a blanket, even though the woman didn't ask for assistance. It wasn't at all flirty, it was just a pinay being helpful. Of course I said to myself, "I could get used to this!"